Picture a single guy who has gotten a bit tired of the single life.

He doesn't know many women, let alone gone on any dates recently, and he figures he knows the source of his problem:

He just needs to meet more girls, and his dating dilemma will sort itself out.

He starts putting it out there on social that he's available. He attends speed dating events and invests time and money to go to the club or a matchmaker service, expecting that all of these actions will land him the girl that's right for him.


But do you see where our friend here has made a big assumption?

He is assuming that just because he's meeting women, that some lady is obligated to date him.

What if his strategy when meeting someone is to ask them to marry him on the first date? What if he's incredibly obnoxious? What if she has opposing values? What if he doesn't communicate anything unique or different about him?

What if he never showers?

Would that affect his success rate?

By spending time or money "advertising" himself (note the marketing analogy I'm building here!), and not investing in building meaningful relationships, all he is really doing is speeding up the process of rejection.

If you asked him how the hunt is going, he will throw his hands up in the air and say: "I've tried EVERYTHING! Speed dating, social, going out to clubs… NOTHING WORKS. They are all a big scam"

Sound familiar at all? Have you heard someone in business say something like:

"I tried Facebook, billboards, newspaper, TV, Instagram etc… I spent a bunch of money and none of them worked!"

Almost every time you advertise, it works exactly as intended. Advertising does not promise you, customers. It promises to put you in front of your customers.

But just like our hapless hero in the earlier story, just because you advertise your availability, doesn't mean anyone has to buy from you. And as a business, we need to drop any sort of entitlement out of our mindsets.

Just because you spent $1000 on Facebook ads and got nothing, doesn't mean it doesn't work, or that your clients aren't there.

It just means that you don't know how to build a relationship with people from that end of town.

Marketing really is a lot like relationships.

Most of us aren't innately good at it. We have to practice good skills and habits.

We as business owners need to figure out how to develop business "relationship" skills:

  • Get and hold someone's attention
  • Show respect.
  • Show interest in them.
  • Don't talk about you all the time.
  • Give more than you expect in return.
  • Make the process of taking the next step easier, when THEY are ready, not just you.
  • Build TRUST.

Because if you don't have all these skills down pat, then all advertising does is speed up the process of people saying no to you.

No one is entitled to have someone date them, no matter how good of a catch THEY think they are. So too no business is entitled to have a customer buy from them, no matter how good THEY think they are.

It takes two people's consent to make a relationship work long term.